


The Walls of Grimmauld Place

by mauxrauders (paechtae)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, I'm not feeling good at the moment and this came out, PTSD, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 17:23:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1826191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paechtae/pseuds/mauxrauders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Number 12 Grimmauld Place sits invisible between the cracks of 11 and 13, hiding the secrets of a centuries past. There's only one person who knows exactly what has happened within those walls, who has seen the events that took place. Sirius Black remembers too much, and he saw too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Walls of Grimmauld Place

Grimmauld Place exudes this type of aura that seeps out from the cracks in the walls and deep from the grain of the rotten wood it's made out of. Years of dark magic swells within its walls and hangs in the rooms like an acrid smoke. Overall it wasn't and isn't a very pleasant place to live, even for those who have been exposed to dark magic for years.  
Memories and events are powerful things, they rub off onto the place around them and stick to the area for decades or longer. When you live in a place like Grimmauld Place and know what's happened in its walls, you will always see the ghosts of memories dancing in the corners of your eyes. You will see bloodstains that have long since been spelled away, and hear voices or noises that have ceased to exist.

When you're Sirius Black, the walls never seem to stop making sounds, you still see the flashing lights of spells exploding behind your eyes when you walk into the living room and hear your parents voices in the back of your mind.

It's a very lonely existence, seeing ghosts no one else can see, remembering things other people haven't known or have since long forgotten.

When they look at you, they see a shell of a man, you see pity in their eyes, regret for your incarceration. The looks you get from the other members of the Order make you want to crawl away into a corner where they can't see you. You don't want to see their expressions when they find out you have those bouts of fits when you walk into the wrong room or someone says the wrong thing.

Oh how you hate those fits. You had them when you were younger too, when your parents were still alive and you lived back in Grimmauld. Your chest would tighten up and it felt like your skin was buzzing, and your head was about to explode. You couldn't breath and it felt like your heart was expanding and collapsing at the same time.  
Remus once told you something about panic attacks, but that's silly, you couldn't be having those. Could you?

Sometimes it would get so hard to breath, you would see black in your vision, and then you would wake up on the floor shaking and it'd be night time. Once you woke up in your bed and the curtains were drawn with the room silent, and for once you could think.

James once told you that it wasn't right what was happening to you, but Regulus and Remus had them too, so maybe James was wrong. There was nothing wrong with you right?  
When James and Lily died they were all you had, all you had in your prison cell, the blackness, the buzzing of your skin, and the choking feeling inside your throat. Soon that died away to listening to Bellatrix scream at you, and watching the walls until the sun went down and you were staring into the darkness.

You still did that sometimes, stare at walls. You'd do it when you're in your mothers room and were grooming Buckbeak. Then you'd just lay down on Buckbeak and not move, because your limbs felt to heavy to move, and it took you five tries to get up. And when you did, you cried.

Remus used to hold you when you were in school so you wouldn't pass out, he'd hold tight and made sure you wouldn't fall apart. But that was back then, before James and Lily died. Now Remus skirted around you like you actually did kill Lily and James. And maybe you did.

Sometimes you didn't know what to think. It just hurts to think, so you don't. And you go to sleep. Or you sit in the kitchen and argue with Molly to distract yourself.  
But that doesn't matter, you're fine right? Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for the angst, I honestly don't feel to well at the moment.


End file.
